Motivation

Music is like that escape that you need each day, the few minutes you get to yourself, the thing that keeps you going and the way to express yourself when you can't find the words to say it yourself. As HIM front man Ville Valo said, "A lot of that stuff people consider 'rock 'n' roll' is based on insecurity. You hide behind the flamboyance. All that excess - it's just trying to be accepted." *All opinions and interpretations of the songs are my own, these are how I feel about the songs.*

So here it is, my top ten motivational songs, and why.

1. Papa Roach - Not Listening. As I mentioned in the last post this is the song that gets me through all my uni coursework. "Am I a failure, if I've got nothing to lose. No I'm not a failure, I've got something to prove." This song helps to keep me inspired when I feel like I'm not getting through it. A lot of the time when I do things I feel like it's not good enough, that I'm not good enough, but then I listen to this song and it makes me realise that I need to prove to myself, more than to anyone else, that I can do it, and that I can get through everything. So fuck the world, I'm not a failure, and no one else deserves to feel that 
2. Sixx AM - Skin. "Cause they don't even know you, all they see is scars. They don't see the angel living in your heart. Let them find the real you, buried deep within. Let them know with all you've got, that you are not your skin." When people try to put you down, or judge you on what they see, fuck them. Simple as. Life is way too short for that. 
3. Rage Against the Machine - Killing In The Name. When you just need angry music after a bad day. It's like a big fuck you to all the people trying to put you down, and it always makes me want to jump about like an idiot. In my opinion it's a rebellion against authority, and the brutality of institutions in the name of something.
4. Bullet For My Valentine - All These Things I Hate. To me this song is about admitting that not all your problems are forced on you, that some of it is stuff you've caused by yourself, and that you need to learn to accept them before you can move on from them. It's about accepting that you can be at fault, and it's motivation to change, and accept yourself so others will too.
5. Aiden - Life I Left Behind. The song is pretty much about remembering your past, and how things can be empty but that they don't lose meaning. "This life has never mad me question, is it wrong to think, how empty is the answer." You can't forget the past, you need to learn from mistakes you've made and regrets you have to become the person you should be.
6. +44 - Baby Come On. There's a few parts of this song that always stand out to me, but essentially they all come down to the same message. "And I can always find her, at the bottom of a plastic cup. Drowning in drunk's insanity. A sad and lonely girl.", I think this is like saying that alcohol is not the answer (a message I really need to take on board) and you'll still have you're problems when you sober up. "And all my best friends will be death of me.", All my friends are a bad influence on each other, we corrupt each other and it will end us one day, simple as, but I still love them all. "The past is only the future with the lights on." You know what happened in the past (lights on) but you can't predict the future (it's in the dark) but you can change it so it doesn't resemble the past, again it's learn from mistakes and move on from the past.
7. Escape the Fate - Live Fast, Die Beautiful. So the title of this song is pretty self explanatory. Make the most of life!
8. Nirvana - Lithium. Like every Nirvana song it's not really about what the lyrics actually say, its about the feel and sound of the music as a whole, and although if you really listen to it, it is about Kurt Cobain being bi-polar, you can take it how you want to. To me it's motivational, "I'm not gunna crack," repeated over and over to me is saying the pressure is on but don't let it get to you, don't let it break you.
9. Three Days Grace - Now or Never. The song is about making changes, and now is the time to do it. Don't just bitch about the problems you have, do something, and do it fast.
10. The Subways - Friday. "This is Friday, this is my day, you can't take that from me." The song is basically, it's my weekend and you can't take it away, but the deeper meaning is that you can't let people take anything from you. And Friday is my favourite night to go out.

So some of these are more inspirational than motivational, but really we all always need some inspiration and motivation in life.

Not Listening

I properly sliced my middle finger open at work tonight, among everything else that has happened this week. Disaster doesn't even come close. So if I'm full of typos here I apologise but it's kinda hard to type with a plaster on. :( 

So I got my dissertation proposal back a couple days ago, and it really wasn't what I expected. It's not the worst that could have happened, and I've still passed but I've been feeling really disappointed in myself. But I've lost all motivation in myself, but hopefully a good talk with my dissertation supervisor will sort me out and get me back on the right track.

But when I have this lack of motivation and feel down on myself I have my always trusty fail safe, my music addiction. I can't function without music, I can't imagine a life without. You know like when people say they don't really like music, or that they don't have favourites, to me that's like saying you don't really breathe. 

My number on song when I need to get my ass in gear is always Papa Roach, "Not Listening." It gives me the motivation I need when I've got a 1pm deadline and its 3am and I'm rewriting my coursework 'cause I've decided that it's shit, or when I'v had a stressful day at work and I really just want to sleep but I need to do some coursework first. "Am I a failure if I've got nothing to lose? No I'm not a failure, I've got something to prove." 

'Cause really we are always trying to prove something in life, whether to ourselves, or to the rest of the world, but we need something to help us get there. For me it's music, for other's it could be anything. 

Stay tuned for my next post, the top ten motivational songs on my playlist :)

Fresh Start

Well that escalated so quickly in a downward spiral. Fuck me where has the last three months gone? Like I have no concept of time or dates anymore, I still feel like summer was not long ago, when really it's January already! The hell?

I'm going to start again, and this time I have a few new reasons:
    1. I have no friends left,
    2. So I can read back and remember what I did the day before,
And 3. So if I die, at least if I die I leave a nice little suicide note of my life
It's just me and you diary, welcome to my fucking life.

Naaaah I stole that from Nikki Sixx, The Heroin Diaries. But I have lost the bet this was all started on, but shit happens. Writing every day is impossible, between uni and fourth year, and working, doing the manager shifts, and my pathetic attempts to have a non existant social life that just won't work!

That and I have at least a weekly emotional breakdown. Like this week I am so emotionally broken right now, I keep tearing up at One Tree Hill, and it's not even got to the Dan shooting Keith episode, although that is next, and I really can't cope with watching that one tonight so I think it might be bed time for me. 

Buffy

So my Women and Media seminar paper is are supernatural women feminist or post feminist? My focus on this is on tv shows. This means I will spend the next couple of weeks watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Charmed, and the other show I haven't decided on yet (suggestions are welcome!). I'm leaning towards The Vampire Diaries at the moment, or True Blood, but I don't really know.

So Buffy is actually amazing. I never watched it when it was on TV and now I wonder why, aside from I was only 6 when it came out.

But yay, uni work that means I get to watch TV.

And buy text books about Buffy and Charmed. That actually exists! Amazing

Aberdeen's Gone Wild

Craig and Edwin dragged me out after work. Really. I went to meet them for one drink, just one! And just cause they wouldn't stop harassing me and phoning me until I agreed to that. But no, they kept buying me more drinks, and shots. But not drunk so YAY! And I only spent £5.

But seriously, THE FUCK has been going on in Aberdeen?! Last night there was so many groups of people dressed up in weird costumes. Really, there was a group of jelly fish! Jelly fish! Who the hell dresses up as a fucking jelly fish! And there were cowboys and indians, which is normal, and there was the playboy bunnies, still normal, with a guy in a dressing gown, trying to be Huge Hefner I think?

Then tonight there was like an army of people in AC/DC style tshirts but it was AB/DN. No idea what that was all about but by the time Underground closed most of them didn't have much of the tshirt left. I've never seen so many topless guys or girls in bras in a club in life.

Life Eh?

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a normal life. One where there was no drama, or at least a day without any drama.

So last night Jade put a spike through her hand at work. Yeah that really happened. You know like in resturant's there's a spike that the checks go on when the food is served? Well Jade somehow (and I'm not quite sure how) managed to put that about half a cm into her hand. It wasn't fun, and I'd imagine quite painful. Queue my very bad attempts at first aid (what do you do when it's the first aider that needs the first aid?!) and some convincing that she should go to ARI. Fun times. 

So instead of the uni work I had planned for tonight, I ended up working. And it was busy. But it's all money at the end of the day, and I suppose the more of it I make now the better it is for me when I have too much course work to do and can't work much. Fun times.

Also, work made me miss Hollyoaks :( unimpressed with everyone going on about how good/sad/shocking etc it was on Facebook. Fuck off!

Twilight

So continuing on from last week and my Disney princess' are shit rant from last week, today Twlight get the piss taken out of it. Let's go.

Bella really needs to grow a pair of balls! Could she be any more pathetic? Saying that, she's bad enough in the film, in the book she is even worse. She sees the guy and instantly falls in love, pines after some guy that hasn't even spoke to her, acts a bit pathetic, finally gets with him when he saves her from some other guys she can't fight off then ditches all her friends to worship the ground he walks on.  All the while trying to avoid being eaten by him or his family. She then nearly dies because of him but has a mental break down when he mentions leaving her. All in the one film. Yes Robert Pattinson is hot as, but really get over it! (And he's not even that hot in Twilight. Now R-Patz in Remember Me, hell yes.)

So take the next film, New Moon, oh no he leaves her. Queue a montage of her sitting for months upon months staring out a window looking depressed. You're 18, move on. Suddenly, shiny new hot Jacob appears and Edward is out of the window, until she almost kills her self and has delusions of him appearing. He's not real you are clearly just way too obsessed! A lot of stupid behavior later and she saves him from killing himself because life just can't go on if their not together.

Third film, Eclipse, the scary vampire from the first one is coming after her, oh no. So get an entire vampire family and wolf pack to look after you and fight for you. Why protect yourself? I can't even remember what's pathetic about her in the last film. Or rather two films since they split it in two. 

Bella, man up. Never really noticed before how annoying she is with it all. Think about it, with True Blood Sookie fights just as much as the supernatural people do, she doesn't hide behind the guys to protect her. And Vampire Diaries, Elena tries to fight, and helps come up with the plans, but Bella just pathetically whimpers in the background, trying to convince Edward nothing can go wrong in their strange relationship. In Spiderman, Mary Jane gets kidnapped, but through no doing of her own, she still tries to fight out of it. In all the horror films out there the damsel in distress still at least try to survive and get out. Bella needs to go MAN THE FUCK UP. And teenage girls look up to this love sick idiot.