This Isn't Just Goodbye, This Is I Can't Stand You....

On Friday, after a very stressful week, very, very little sleep and probably more caffeine than I should have drank in a month let alone a week I finally handed in my dissertation. Instead of the freedom I expected to feel, I actually felt like I was going through a break up. A bad and emotional break up.

Buzzfeed (the best and worst thing to happen to a student) has a post about how it's like being in a relationship. And it is. Every step of the way can be compared to a relationship, and to be honest it's not a great one.

When you first start to write the proposal it's like when you start seeing someone. You're looking at the options available, adding up the pros and cons of giving it a go, then finally deciding yes, this is the one.

You start to write it and your excited about it. You look forward to a hot date (ie hours at your laptop) with it. You loving think about how it's going to be done, what methods to do etc.

Then you get really into it and it's starting to be the opposite, it's not what you first thought it would be. It doesn't like it when you go out with your friends, in fact anything you do that isn't spending time with it is unacceptable.You feel the guilt of not being there.

It will literally take over your entire life, and when you try to do other coursework it feels like your cheating on it.

Then it comes to the hand in week. It's a frantic rush to try to fix anything that's wrong with it, before finally accepting there is nothing more you can do, and you have to let it go.

The bus journey out to uni I felt physically sick, I wanted to cry. It was horrible. Handing it in felt like I was loosing a part of myself, and on the way home I felt lost. It was gone ans there was nothing I could do about it.

So the solution, put on a brave face and go meet the girls. You do your hair (for the first time in a long time), try to make yourself look like a real human being again.You drink a lot of cocktails. It's finally gone!

Then reality hits and you realise you still have coursework due, so you get started with it and it feels like your cheating. Until finally you get your final grade, the point when you know you never have to see it again and quite happily burn all the stuff it's left at your place. The acceptance it's over and you can finally move on with your life.

Cause I'm In Too Deep

I know I said in my last post that I'd post soon (blatant lie) and it was going to be about my feelings towards Kurt Cobain's death (it is coming I promise) but my life has been taken over by dissertation this week. Please ignore any stupid spelling or grammar mistakes, but my brain is so fried I managed to spell my own name wrong earlier. I know... 

I have no idea what day it is any more, I have cramp in my hands from typing, probably damaged my eyes from sitting at my laptop for like 14 hours a day and just generally don't really know what's going on any more.

I have 1 day, 12 hours and 14 minutes left until my dissertation deadline, and then I'm going to book my next tattoo t celebrate, since I have work on Friday night and can't drink,

Then just two weeks of uni left and I can finally get my social life back,. I've missed it a lot. It feels like since I moved away from home (and by that I mean like 40 miles) I've kind of lost touch with a lot of my friends. Fair enough we still text, snapchat and whatsapp all the time, but I can count on one hand the amount of time I've seen most of my friends this year, and probably on two hands the amount of times I saw them last year.

I am also sleep deprived, stressed, on a caffeine withdraw and two glasses of wine down right now so....